angels and dreams

I woke to sound of my cell phone ringing. I reached across my bed and lifted the phone. His face showed on the screen. I almost ignored it. But then I realized it wasn't a dream and who was calling. I answered, groggy. It was 8 o'clock and he hadn't slept. He said he felt like he just needed to call me. If I only had that luxury. It was a release to hear his voice and we laughed like we haven't in months. The end was hard but what was harder still was the situation that presented itself again. I still haven't decided what I'll do.

I made myself oatmeal and planned my day in my head. It had been a while since I had been up before noon so I was going to have much more time on my hands. A text to Angel sparked a day long correspondence. I painted my toe nails blue. Ricky and Kevin took me to lunch at a restaurant I can no longer remember the name of. Laura and Janelle invited me to the mall and I brought Mallorie soup from a place called Honey's Diner that was run by an asian woman in a fuzzy purple shall. According to Mallorie the soup tasted like watered down tomato juice with bits of floating cabbage. With two cartons of ice cream in our possession, Laura, Janelle, and I made our way back to my home where we watched Disney movies and ate Taco Bell. As I waived goodbye to them from my front door, my night began to draw to a close. I settled into my bed, under my down comforter and my heated blanket and continued my conversing with Angel. Now at 12:09 my conversation is over and I feel more tired than I have felt at 3am lately. I welcome the feeling.

the beginning.

I began my year in the home of the Cleavland's. We drank cider from red cups and danced like crazies and I met Emily for the first time. As the ball dropped, I snapped two last shots of us in 2008, one of me and Lauren and the other of Lauren and her new fiance, Anthony. As we counted down from 5, nothing seemed important or special about that moment. And when the clock struck midnight we pulled our poppers and cheered. I received a kiss on the cheek from Laura and hugs from everyone around me. But I still felt a sadness inside. All I could do was think about him and the fact that he is not going to be in my life anymore. And he's choosing not to be.

The night ended a few hours later after taking my friends home and retrieving Chelsea and hers from their party. I slept horribly due to a cough that was not present yesterday or today when I woke. Chelsea's night, like mine, had started off well and ended poorly. She spent the entire day in her room, only emerging for the end of Mama Mia!. The first day of my year was slow. After the movie, I showered and went to visit with Kallie one last time before she goes back to Colorado tomorrow. We talked about nothing in particular and enjoyed each other's company. Kallie is just one of those friends that nothing ever needs to be said, we just are. And we always will be. After I left Kallie's, I went to Pickup Sticks, alone. And I found myself once again missing him. I find myself that way a lot. My fortune said, "Don't allow yourself to dream away time - be productive" and I realized it was right. Brian, Mark, and Mallorie kept me company after that at my home until nearly midnight when they left to continue their lives elsewhere and I began this blog. In the middle of the blog, he texted me. 

"Happy new year madison." 1/2/2009 12:08am

"Happy new year dylan." 1/2/2009 12:09am

I made it one day.